Thursday, May 21, 2009

You're Either Pro-Sanctity of Marriage or Anti-Children. Those are the sides of this debate.

"I'm Confused" says the final kid in that ad. Aw. Do you think it's good to confuse helpless children? What kind of a monster are you?

There's only one problem. Do you know what else confuses kids? EVERYTHING. Everything confuses kids. Every day, everything about life confuses kids.

Both of my grandmothers were named Sylvia. As a child, I thought that all grandmas changed their name to Sylvia, and were called "Grandma Sylvia." Why did I think that? Because I had a tiny, developing brain and I got confused very easily because EVERYTHING CONFUSES KIDS.

In fact, This American Life, has an entire segment dedicated to:
children who get a mistaken idea in their heads about how something works or what something means, and then don't figure out until well into adulthood that they were wrong.
The segment included stories about a girl who thought monkeys painted her tissue box, someone who thought unicorns were an actual species of animal, a girl who thought "Deer Xing" signs were pronounced "Deer zing," and a boy who thought all the people included in surveys for TV ratings shared the last name "Nielsen." Why did these people think that? Because EVERYTHING CONFUSES KIDS!

You know what else confuses kids? Tooth Fairies and Santa Claus. Who sells them these lies?

Anyway, to the idiots who put out commercials like this: it's your bigotry about gay marriage that is going to be the mistaken idea that your kids won't figure out was wrong until adulthood. It's one more myth that will eventually be dispelled. You're part of the everything that confuses kids.


You know what the saddest part is? This is actually a step up from Republicans latest arguments against gay marriage.

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