Friday, May 22, 2009

Mitt Romney Chucks Some Dick Cheney Facts

Here is Mitt Romney's I-can't-believe-he-actually-okayed-this-without-punching-himself-in-the-face response to yesterday's National Security speeches by Barack Obama and Dick Cheney (emphasis mine):
[Barack Obama] said that the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep at night is keeping America safe. That's a big difference with Vice President Cheney—when it came to protecting Americans, he never went to sleep.
Hmm... Remind you of anyone?
"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."
When did Dick Cheney become Chuck Norris and get his own Dick Cheney Facts? I don't know, but I'm in Romney. You had me at "never went to sleep."
  • They found the weapons of mass destruction. Turns out they were under Dick Cheney's sleeves.
  • People Make fun of Dick Cheney for keeping a giant man size safe in his office, but where else is he going to keep his giant man-size balls.
  • Deficits don't matter when Dick Cheney's there. When Cheney's around, nothing is ever lacking.
  • The only form of torture Dick Cheney knows is tickle torture. Too bad he's not ticklish.
  • When Dick Cheney shoots you in the face, you apologize to him.
  • America is not a democracy, it's a Dicktatorship.
This is great news for him and. like Chuck, it makes him really hard to prosecute.

If I forgot any of your favorite Dick Cheney facts, add them in the comments.

1 comment:

  1. Dick Cheney's daughter isn't gay, you are for asking!