Friday, August 14, 2009

"What? That happens. Actually, a LOT of Porn Movies Start that Way"

A man was caught masturbating on the number 3 train. (Otherwise known as "the train I ride every day.") Worse for him- he was caught on cell phone camera:
I included his picture just to prove it wasn't me

It's tough when they've got you on camera, but still... people videoed/ pictured have gotten off before (sure, pun intended.) How is he going to get out of this one? The Shaggy Defense? The Little Man Defense? What's he going to go with (emphasis mine)?
"That's me in the pictures, my private parts fell out," Bishop told cops, according to court documents. "I looked down and it was out, it just popped out. I was trying to put it back... I deeply apologize for what happened," Bishop told police, according to the court documents. "I do admit the whole truth."
Well, this is ridiculous! I simply don't understand why the world hasn't started designing pants that completely cover penises. We have scientists working on cancer and watermelon and pheromones, but not one engineer has yet to create a pair of pants that could guarantee that your penis won't fall out and your hand won't accidentally rub it in a way that could be misconstrued as masturbation? It's unconscionable that men everywhere walk around experiencing exactly the same thing that happened to this guy - out of nowhere, our penises will just fall out of our pants.

Weak, science. Weak.

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