By now, you either know the story of Plaxico Burress or won't care about this blog post. The quick reminder: Last year, Burress illegaly carried a handgun into a New York City club and shot himself in the thigh, because, hilariously, he was carrying it in his sweatpants waistband.
Well, today he pleaded guilty and got... 2 years in prison:
Burress pleaded guilty to one count of attempted criminal possession of a weapon, a lesser charge than he initially faced. Under a plea agreement, he agreed to a two-year prison sentence and two years of supervised release.So Plaxico Burress, for accidentally shooting himself gets two years in jail.
So here is our updated system of how bad different crimes are, to the best of my ability to think logically, based on our criminal justice system:
- WORST > Stealing Lance Armstrong's Bicycle (3 years in jail)
- VERY BAD > Accidentally Shooting Yourself (2 years)
- SOMEWHAT BAD > Organizing Dogs To Kill Each Other for Sport (18 months PLUS 6 football games)
- EH, NO BIG DEAL > Killing Someone While Driving Drunk (30 days)
This all continues to make sense.
As Ben Brafman said (and man, it's hard to agree with that guy... but- you know- even broken shlocks are right twice a day):
"This was not an intentional criminal act... In my judgment, a two-year prison sentence is a very severe punishment... If Plaxico Burress were not a high-profile individual, there never would be a case."America. Sigh.