Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying movie trailer. I need all of you to stop what you're doing and watch:
Cannonball! Yes, this actually exists. This is not a parody. This boat is real!
Highlights (and there are too many to do them all justice):
- "Carol and Steven's life together is perfect"voiced over a blow job scene because nothing says life is perfect like an interrupted blow job.
- "There's one small problem" - Get it? Small! Cause they're dwarfs! We're hilarious!
- Gary Oldman: "I'm his brother. We're Twins." One of us is big and one of us is small but we're twins. I bet you've never seen that before, huh?
- "They're not midgets, they're dwarfs." "Whatever." - To their credit, we're not under the misconception that they'll deal with this with nuance.
- Kate Beckinsale's assertion that Matthew McConaughey has to tell her that his family is dwarfs followed immediately by a scene where Beckinsale doesn't tell her parents.
- Kate Beckinsale's weird S&Mish leather collar in said scene.
- Hilarious dinner scene - serious pregnant scene - hilarious party scene - serious wedding scene. I know comedies don't usually win Oscars, but...
- "In the role of a lifetime, Gary Oldman" - In the sense that Gary Oldman will only play a dwarf one time in his life, this voice over is undeniably true.
- "Tiptoes" - Uh, did we mention they were dwarfs? Cause they are.
May this Balderdashian feature recur many times.