WITH MUCH HELP FROM AMIR
INT. NEWS STUDIO. - DAY. “ENN - Egyptian News Network” logo is visible. KERMIT THE FROG sits behind the desk. All personalities mentioned are animals.
KERMIT:
Welcome back to ENN, which, after
Thursday's Arov, is the Mediterranean's
only animal run cable news channel.
Unless you've been buried under a
pyramid, you already know that "Series
of Plagues Bertha" turned the Nile
into blood. Then frogs rained down
here, there, everywhere, and according
to one child witness, even in some
risque palace locations. That plague
also "leapfrogged" me into the lead
anchor slot. I'm Kermit The Frog and
this... is “Plague Watch.”
Welcome back to ENN, which, after
Thursday's Arov, is the Mediterranean's
only animal run cable news channel.
Unless you've been buried under a
pyramid, you already know that "Series
of Plagues Bertha" turned the Nile
into blood. Then frogs rained down
here, there, everywhere, and according
to one child witness, even in some
risque palace locations. That plague
also "leapfrogged" me into the lead
anchor slot. I'm Kermit The Frog and
this... is “Plague Watch.”
Montage of blood spurting, frogs, lice, and wild animals, followed by an explosion and “PLAGUE WATCH – DAY 17” graphic on screen.
KERMIT (CON'D):
But is there a new plague coming to
town? And are we, the animals,
specifically at risk? ENN has the
exclusive scoop right after this break.
But is there a new plague coming to
town? And are we, the animals,
specifically at risk? ENN has the
exclusive scoop right after this break.
Commercial airs showing shots of Papyrus plants in fields, people writing, and then a black and white, flashing closeup of hieroglyphics.
V.O.:
Papyrus comes from the ground but
instead of eating it, are humans
using it for... writing? What do
those hieroglyphics mean? And are they
endangering YOUR offspring? Papyrus-
Friend or Killer? A special report
Tuesday at 9. Only on ENN.
KERMIT:
Breaking news. Rumors of mass disease
swirling through the animal kingdom.
We have Wolf Blitzer in the field.
Wolf, you there?
Papyrus comes from the ground but
instead of eating it, are humans
using it for... writing? What do
those hieroglyphics mean? And are they
endangering YOUR offspring? Papyrus-
Friend or Killer? A special report
Tuesday at 9. Only on ENN.
KERMIT:
Breaking news. Rumors of mass disease
swirling through the animal kingdom.
We have Wolf Blitzer in the field.
Wolf, you there?
WOLF BLITZER, wearing a contamination suit, is in a large open meadow, with ailing animals meandering behind him. Split-screen interview for Wolf and Kermit.
WOLF BLITZER:
Aaaa-wooo. Thanks Kermit. I'm here at
Cairo-Stone National Park where many
animals have become drastically ill.
KERMIT:
Any word on what specifically is
happening?
WOLF BLITZER:
We really don't have any information...
but I'll speculate anyway. It could be
parasites, mad cow, or an STD-like
foot and mouth disease.
KERMIT:
Stay safe out there, Wolf. Once again,
Our top story: Pestilence in the
animal kingdom. What can you do to
be safe? We'll tell you. (beat) But
first, it's sports with Chet Rabbit.
Aaaa-wooo. Thanks Kermit. I'm here at
Cairo-Stone National Park where many
animals have become drastically ill.
KERMIT:
Any word on what specifically is
happening?
WOLF BLITZER:
We really don't have any information...
but I'll speculate anyway. It could be
parasites, mad cow, or an STD-like
foot and mouth disease.
KERMIT:
Stay safe out there, Wolf. Once again,
Our top story: Pestilence in the
animal kingdom. What can you do to
be safe? We'll tell you. (beat) But
first, it's sports with Chet Rabbit.
CHET RABBIT is at sports desk.
CHET RABBIT:
Thanks Kermit, in sports today the Lions
beat the Rams 7-3, and the Tigers mauled
the Cubs. Up next for the Tigers, a very
unhappy squad of bears.
KERMIT:
Breaking word, The King of the Jungle
has pledged 18,000 gold pieces to fight
the "War on Pestilence." And now, once
again, we have Wolf in the field. Wolf?
WOLF BLITZER:
I'm here with Dolly the Sheep, who was
out there when this all began. Dolly,
what did you see?
DOLLY:
It was baaaa-aaad.
WOLF BLITZER:
Really? Baaaa-aaaad? Really?
Thanks Kermit, in sports today the Lions
beat the Rams 7-3, and the Tigers mauled
the Cubs. Up next for the Tigers, a very
unhappy squad of bears.
KERMIT:
Breaking word, The King of the Jungle
has pledged 18,000 gold pieces to fight
the "War on Pestilence." And now, once
again, we have Wolf in the field. Wolf?
WOLF BLITZER:
I'm here with Dolly the Sheep, who was
out there when this all began. Dolly,
what did you see?
DOLLY:
It was baaaa-aaad.
WOLF BLITZER:
Really? Baaaa-aaaad? Really?
Wolf gives Dolly a disgusted look, and turns to find another interviewee, a passing fox.
WOLF BLITZER (CON'D):
Wow. Michael J. The Fox is here.
What's it like out there?
FOX:
People are dying. We need help. We
need help now.
WOLF BLITZER:
There you have it. Pestilence has gone
from bad to worse out here.
KERMIT:
Thanks, Wolf. We have Rush Lam-baugh
in the studio. Rush, what do you have
for us?
RUSH LAM-BAUGH:
I'm sorry, did you see Michael J. The
Fox there? He is exaggerating the
effects of the pestilence, he is moving
all around and shaking. It's purely an
act. This is really shameless folks.
KERMIT:
And now we go to Owl Williams with the
weather.
Wow. Michael J. The Fox is here.
What's it like out there?
FOX:
People are dying. We need help. We
need help now.
WOLF BLITZER:
There you have it. Pestilence has gone
from bad to worse out here.
KERMIT:
Thanks, Wolf. We have Rush Lam-baugh
in the studio. Rush, what do you have
for us?
RUSH LAM-BAUGH:
I'm sorry, did you see Michael J. The
Fox there? He is exaggerating the
effects of the pestilence, he is moving
all around and shaking. It's purely an
act. This is really shameless folks.
KERMIT:
And now we go to Owl Williams with the
weather.
OWL WILLIAMS appears in front of a map of Egypt and a 7 Day calendar for the forecast. For each day, OWL slaps a picture of the weather on the square..
OWL WILLIAMS:
IT'S GONNA RAIN - on Monday. Then sunny
days are here again on Tuesday, but
a cold front from the north On Wednesday
is going to bring in some hail. Fiery,
fiery hail. Thursday and Friday should
be nice again, some scattered showers
on Saturday and then Sunday will be
cloudy. Very, very, very cloudy.
KERMIT:
Thanks, Owl. The W.H.O. has issued a
reminder to not leave your house unless
you are fully protected in a specially
designed plastic suit. I'm being told
the pope has issued a statement in the
reverse, claiming that protection is
causing the spread of pestilence. (beat)
Let's go back to Wolf. Wolf?
WOLF BLITZER:
Yeah. Everyone's dead Kermit. Thanks for
checking in.
KERMIT:
Scary stuff, Wolf, Scary stuff. Coming
up, next, Billy Goat Bush has a preview
of the new charity song "We own the
World," led by Bono of Moo2, and featuring
Sheryl Crow, Snoop Dog, and The Beetles.
This is Kermit The Frog reporting for
Sesame Street – I mean, ENN News.
IT'S GONNA RAIN - on Monday. Then sunny
days are here again on Tuesday, but
a cold front from the north On Wednesday
is going to bring in some hail. Fiery,
fiery hail. Thursday and Friday should
be nice again, some scattered showers
on Saturday and then Sunday will be
cloudy. Very, very, very cloudy.
KERMIT:
Thanks, Owl. The W.H.O. has issued a
reminder to not leave your house unless
you are fully protected in a specially
designed plastic suit. I'm being told
the pope has issued a statement in the
reverse, claiming that protection is
causing the spread of pestilence. (beat)
Let's go back to Wolf. Wolf?
WOLF BLITZER:
Yeah. Everyone's dead Kermit. Thanks for
checking in.
KERMIT:
Scary stuff, Wolf, Scary stuff. Coming
up, next, Billy Goat Bush has a preview
of the new charity song "We own the
World," led by Bono of Moo2, and featuring
Sheryl Crow, Snoop Dog, and The Beetles.
This is Kermit The Frog reporting for
Sesame Street – I mean, ENN News.
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