Word of the Day: Shoahdenfreude

Shoahdenfreude- [shoh-ah'd-n-froi-duh] noun

satisfaction or pleasure obtained from the fictional misfortunes of nazis
(example= There was a general consensus at the kiddush club that watching "Inglourious Basterds" was a real experience of Shoahdenfreude.)

[thanks to fraterus bloggus, Amir, for the help]

Sorry Mario, But Your Princess is in Another... OH GOD, THEY'RE LEARNING!

I am sharing this because...

1. Sharing means caring
2. This is genuinely very funny and fodder for an excellent sketch. What if the ghosts in pacman figured out how to eat the fruit? Or the Foot clan figured out that they could eat pizza and power up? ("That's why the Ninja Turtles never die! I've hit them with my sword sooo many times. This is crazy. The boxes are just sitting there! Beebop, Rocksteady... You guys have to eat this!")
3. According to my Google Reader, this comes from Iran! Doesn't that make you feel a little happy inside? We may not agree about all weapons, but we all see eye to eye about proper usage for mushrooms, flowers, and invincibility causing stars.
   

Today is the Day the Cranks were Right

Remember when the Reality TV boom hit and moralist cranks everywhere bellowed a cacophony of warnings about the repercussions of mixing "reality" and tv? And then all those The Truman Show-like movies came out about these terrible games where we will have people kill themselves for our enjoyment. Well, the cranks were right:

TV host Wallace Souza is accused of ordering hits on criminal rivals and then covering the deaths for ratings... Wallace Souza, a state legislator and former host of a police TV show called "Canal Livre," also was a drug trafficker, officials say. And to get rid of the competition -- and drive up ratings -- he would order that criminal rivals be killed and then would have his camera crews arrive first on the scene, authorities say.

Sorry Cranks. You were right.

Movies like this always scared my mom. And if these are coming true, I fear she'll never get over her next biggest movie-fear:

That someone will steal Sandra Bullock's identity.

"But It Was A Really Sweet Car"

Any one who is involved with child pornography in any way has serious psychological, moral, and legal problems. But when your need for child pornography is so great that you negotiate trading a car for naked pictures of an 11-year old, you are -amazingly- MUCH more screwed up than a typical child pornographer (and that is a hard level to be much more screwed up than). But two people in Spain are actually that messed up:

Spanish police have arrested an 18-year-old for allegedly trying to sell nude photographs of his 11-year-old sister in exchange for a car... The teenager did not get the car, but he did post several nude photographs of his sister online as a sample of what he could offer to the potential buyer, a 25-year-old man who has also been arrested, a police inspector said.

So here are the levels of screwed up as we have them:
1) People involved in child pornography
2) People so involved in child pornography that they'd sell their car for it

and i think we have to add a third level...
3) People who don't actually care about child pornography, but want a car so badly that they'd distribute pictures of their little sister

Seriously, isn't the 18 year old brother even more screwed up than the 25 year old? The 25 year old is screwed up because he cares about child pornography, because something in his brain makes him interested in that. That's messed up. And thankfully, illegal. But the 18 year old brother is screwed up because he doesn't care about child pornography and he doesn't care to the extent that he doesn't care if other people do care. He doesn't care so much that he'd swap pictures of his underage sister... for a car. It's not even a big deal to him. And that- to me- is sicker.

To care about child pornography is sick, to not understand why people care about creeps who are attracted to child pornography is insane.

This one other tidbit from the story made my brain go whaaaa (emphasis mine):

Police soon arrested the 25-year-old man in Santander for suspected child pornography. He allegedly entered online social networking sites posing as a young girl, aiming to persuade girls to post nude photographs of themselves, the police statement said.

What? That was his plan? He went with "hey, I am totally just another regular girl your age. isn't hanna Montana the best? We should have an online sleepover! where we're naked. let's send pictures. And remember, I am just a regular, girl your age and not a 25 year old mustachioed creep emailing from a windowless van, so it's ok."

If they're going to be creeps out there, I am much happier that they be incredibly dumb and hopefully unable to achieve their disgusting goals. This includes the 18 year old, who "did not get the car, but he did post several nude photographs of his sister online as a sample of what he could offer to the potential buyer."

I only wish he was too dumb to figure out how to post photos online.

ESPN's Headlines Designed to Minimize Clickthrus

Did I say "make you want to read the story"-? I meant "are the whole story."

From my Google Reader, right now. Click to enlarge:


Ah, but what else is this story about? For those details, you'll have to read the whole article.

Or just read the headline again.

"Uh... My Policies are Up Here"

(hattip Amicus Bloggus Hal)

A new campaign has popped up, brought to you by Vera Lengsfeld of the conservative party in Germany:What is it?

They show photographs of [each of Angela Merkel and Vera Lengsfeld] in an evening dress showing plenty of cleavage with the slogan: "We have more to offer" emblazoned over the chancellor's breasts.

In this country, the conservative party rails against big government and in Germany they support big... you know what, never mind. This really is too despicable for breast related double entendres. And I love breast related double entendres!

Lengsfeld "explanation:"

"If only a tenth of them also look at the content of my policies, I will have reached many more people than I could have done with classic street canvassing."

Vera, no one votes for the cow, when they get the milk for free.

Doesn't this smack of actresses who start in porn but want to transition into real movies. That doesn't happen because pornography isn't viewed of as legitimate art. Therefore, there is no ability to transition to real movies. By debasing Angela Merkel, Vera Lengsfeld has rendered herself illegitimate. She has made herself into the "boobs" candidate, and you don't transition from that into mainstream politics. Sadly, she brought Angela Merkel's chest down to her level. Like the absurd discussion over Hillary Clinton's neckline, Angela Merkel did nothing to ask for this treatment.

Lastly, could you ever imagine a male candidate EVER adopting another man for a similar campaign?
The Conservative party - We know how to handle packages. Let us take care of yours.

I didn't think so.

New Facebook Redesign

A girl with the thinnest skin in the world (take your time imagining what that would actually look like) got rhinoplasty surgery because of a facebook comment:

Lowri Ryland, 21, was horrified when a friend posted a message on her site saying: 'With a nose that big you should wear a mask to cover it up.' The stunning brunette, who has just completed her law degree at Cardiff University, immediately made an appointment with a cosmetic surgeon and drew £3,500 from her savings for the operation.

I empathize. I once got liposuction because people kept facebook poking me.

It worked out great for me. How's it going for her?

She has now replaced her Facebook picture with a new one showing her redesigned nose. 'Since putting pictures of the new me on Facebook, I've been inundated with compliments,' she said.

Of course, there is also this new picture of her circulating online, found in the Daily Mall's article:

Man, with surgical scars that big, she should wear a mask to cover it up.

Steptoe's Agent Comin Off Like a Syn-Dick

As a Mets fan, I know that injuries happen. (Well, as a Mets fan, I know that injuries constantly happen, sometimes in comically inept ways, and are also always much worse than whatever the team announces.) That goes double for a sport like football where players actually- you know- hit each other and put their body at constant physical risk.

But are all football injuries created equally? On that question, ESPN.com has an intriguing story lead:

Cleveland Browns reserve receiver Syndric Steptoe will miss the season with a torn labrum in his shoulder, and his agent says coach Eric Mangini's decision-making is to blame, the Cleveland Plain Dealer reported.

Ooh! What did Mangini do? Did he have him practice even though Steptoe said he was injured? Did he pressure him into doing too much to save his job? Did he make him do up-downs until Blue is no longer tired and thirsty?

"Obviously, hindsight gives one a different perspective," Stanley said. "But if the practice had stayed a walk-through, Syndric wouldn't be preparing for season-ending surgery right now. The decision produced a bad result for the kid and the team.''

I agree. In fact, I think we should extend his logic much further. If instead of playing football at full speed against other elite athletes who are looking to tackle you with all the force of their bodies, these players were able to run at half speed and not be tackled at all... can you imagine how many fewer injuries there would be?

If the NFL would just completely change the rules and style of the sport that Syndric Steptoe is paid $ 300,520 to play, he would probably have never torn his labrum.

For shame, NFL!

Now, did Mangini have to rub it in by pre-emptively showing the great condition of his labrums at his opening press conference?Debatable. But, I'd like to think that yes, yes he did have to rub it in.

I am suddenly very much in the mood for a hug.

How Many Poles Does it Take to Turn a Radio into a Strip Club?

One! If you name your radio station "The Pole"

A new radio station called 101.5 the Pole just launched in Colorado, playing nothing but the finest in strip-club music from the eighties, nineties, and today.

Finally a radio station for people with the audible desires of strip clubs but not the sexual ones.

For the second time this week, we're seeing a business model misinterpret why people like strip clubs. People don't go to strip clubs for the ambiance. They don't go because they love the music, or they like the buffet.

People go to strip clubs for one reason and one reason only:

To help fund tuition.

If we start seeing someone selling watered down alcoholic drinks, bottled "air of desperation" perfume, or semen stained chairs, we've officially got a trend.

The Worst Julie and Julia Puns

This isn't the first time we've done this, and it's time once again to check out how some movie critics are doing with their "Julie and Julia" puns. Remember- it's tough out there for a movie critic. Being original is HARD.

"Enjoy" these cliched or incredibly forced food puns:


A.O. Scott (New York Times)
"Trimming some fat from Ms. Powell’s rambling book (and draining some of the juice as well)"
"Bon appétit!"

David Edelstein (New York Magazine)
The title of his review is "Half-Baked"
When actors like these are cooking, it’s better than haute cuisine.
Ephron is an enthusiastic cook, so the film has some foodie texture

• NOTE: This isn't even a pun because it doesn't mean anything. What the hell is Foodie texture?(Google is with me.) Maybe he means this literally? I have no idea.
  

Peter Travers (Rolling Stone)
"Meryl Streep — at her brilliant, beguiling best — is the spice that does the trick for the yummy Julie & Julia"

Joe Morgenstern (Wall Street Journal)
"The Julie segments, though, are pallid by comparison—dollops of margarine that barely hint at butter... The Julie parts keep forcing us to go cold turkey."

Carrie Rickey (Philadelphia Inquirer)
"Meryl Streep is saucy as Julia Child"
"Even if you don't give a shiitake mushroom about food, there's much to savor in this lively comedy with dramatic aftertastes."

Claudia Puig (USA Today)
"Though not an all-out feast, Julie & Julia is spiced with plenty of humor and affection. The experience is well worth relishing."

Christopher Orr (New Republic)
"I left Ephron's film hungry for another helping of Julia Child"

And these are the people that I generally like (well, some of these people.) The key for movie crtics to keep in mind... You don't have to do these awful puns. It's okay to just write like a normal human being.