How Many Poles Does it take to Turn a Subway into a Strip Club?

(Hat Tip Fraterus Bloggus Amir for 98% of this.)

One! One that girls can dance on while you eat meat:

He opened "Cousin Vinny's Way," which, according to his flyer, promised $5 foot-long subs, a free fountain drink and "six hours of nonstop, hard-core, live action from some of the most beautiful young ladies who have ever chosen to take their clothes off in public."

And Conan did a "Jared" joke in response in his monologue. (Why did I put quotes around that like it's some sort of variant of joke, like there are knock knock jokes and Jared jokes?) But Fraterus Bloggus Amir and I think we can do better.

Which means it's time for another... Great Punch Line Off 2009! Me vs. Me vs. You. See you in the comments.

• It's great. You can get a $5 foot long to go with your 5$ foot long.
• It's $5 for a Subway but $50 for a "Rubway."
• They also changed their cup sized from small, medium, and large to B, C, and D.
• A lot has changed in the store, but he's keeping the slogan.
• One piece of advice - Careful when you order the meatballs.
  
• No matter what a stripper tells you, there's no sex in the freezer room.

Either Keira Knightley has an Eating Disorder or Lays is Losing Their Bet

Keira Knightley wants you to know - she does not have an eating disorder.

Despite the fact that she so obviously does have an eating disorder, she goes to great lengths to tell Australian Marie Claire that her life revolves around food and eating. But I think she may have revealed more than she wanted to (emphasis mine):

“I’m a big foodie. In my family life, all good things revolve around the dinner table. My mum’s cooking is great. We have big dinners, and big everything. There’s nothing like a really good chip, a really crunchy, good chip. And I love pasta. I make Bolognese with tons and tons of Parmesan cheese.”

Here's how you know that you're not eating enough: When you refer to chips as "a chip." Who eats one chip? Next time Keira wants to convince the world that she consumes food like a normal human being, she may want to ask around and find out how other humans eat. My advice is to try the word "bag." For example, "there's nothing like a really good bag of chips."

Unless bags of chips are coming with a lot more air in them than they used to, methinks that Keira has a problem.