Bruce Springsteen Jizzed in His Pants

And no, despite his offering America every chance to get a good look...


I don't have any visual evidence from the Super Bowl.

But we do have audio evidence from one track off his new album: "Queen of the Supermarket."

Check out the lyrics if you need them.

Sound familiar? That's because you just heard this IDENTICAL STORY IN SONG FORM, though last time it was sung by The Lonely Island guys on SNL.



Most blatant? The familiar ending, each in his own words.
Lonely Island- She turned to me that’s when she said it/Looked me dead in the face, asked “Cash or Credit?”/And I JIZZED IN MY PANTS
Bruce Springsteen- Take my place in the check-out line /For one moment her eyes meet mine/ I'm lifted up, lifted up, lifted up, lifted up

You're "lifted up, lifted up, lifted up, lifted up," huh, Bruce? I think we got your meaning. Even Michael Scott knows that's what she said.

Seems like The Boss isn't in control of everything. I think we're going to need Justin Timberlake on cleanup in aisle 3.

SNL Jizz In My Pants Parody: Shprizz in My Pants

Hope you enjoy this parody on the digital short from this past week's SNL. This probably works best to read along with the video.

If you haven't seen the Dig Short (and there's no excuse for that), it's worth it to watch the digital short before reading our lyrics. Anyway....

The Definitive Orthodox Jewish Wedding Version:

Shprizz in My Pants
To Jizz in My Pants
by Etan, Danny & Binny

Lock eyes from across the room
Walk to the badeken while the trumpets boom
people spread out as I make my way
To that big white chair where you pray
"Od Yishama" they sing and scream
Israel can wait, you're this Zionist's dream
move in close as the zaydies bless
Soon I'll get to see under that dress
lift the veil just to prove that it's you
tonight we get to make our debut
Can't wait to show off taba'at zu
whisper in my ear this is long overdue
and I
SHPRIZZ IN MY PANTS

Are you trying to make me look like a fool?
I won't apologize, this is just uncool
Mainly your fault for keeping shomer rules
and now I
SHPRIZZ IN MY PANTS

Your niddah class covered all of this
The impact on a guy from just one kiss
I'm very sensitive, emotions I emit

Before the chuppa I'll change

Down the aisle she walks to her favorite song
to my right side where she belongs
Felt my heart flutter, yeah I'm in love
Look up at god and the chuppa above
Emcee is on the mic, turn off your phones
Tehillim in my hand as i atone
kiddushin is mesader, we're right on track
Ring in my pocket, kittel on my back
Her mom holds her dress and begins to cry
Brush against my body as she circles by
And I
SHPRIZZ IN MY PANTS

Its perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me
I'm excited for harei at mekudeshet li
And as I stomp my foot down to break the glass, I
SHPRIZZ IN MY PANTS

To be fair I was startled and scared
That shriek of mazel tov I could have been spared
Walk down from the chuppa and I see her friends
Stop smiling at me, it'll happen again

Late night - enter a room
As I recall it was a yichud room
walked inside and locked the door
Broke my fast and wanted more and I
SHPRIZZ IN MY PANTS

Posing for pictures as light bulbs flash
A moment of cool in this wedding bash
a touching picture and I look at you and I
SHPRIZZ IN MY PANTS

First dance run through the arches and I
SHPRIZZ IN MY PANTS

Simcha circle for a full hora and I
SHPRIZZ IN MY PANTS

When my friends did shtick at the end of dance two I
SHPRIZZ IN MY PANTS

Imirtze Hashem by you and I
SHPRIZZ...IN...MY...PANTS
SHPRIZZ...IN...MY...PANTS

Ok seriously you guys can we...ok...

I shprizz right in my pants but every thing will be all right
I'll give you a rest try pru urvu tomorrow night
You say I'm disgusting I just call it baal keri
I'm erect at all times till i pri haetz your cherry
Cuz I
SHPRIZZ...IN...MY PANTS

(I shprizz in my pants, I shprizz in my pants, yes I shprizz in my pants, yes I shprizz in my pants)
yes I SHPRIZZ...IN...MY PANTS
(I shprizz in my pants, I shprizz in my pants)