The Truth is He Did Leave U.S.

By now, you have undoubtedly heard about the weird travails of Governor Mark Sanford. There is one weird peculiarity that is piquing (thanks S.) my interest (emphasis mine):

He told reporters he spent "the last five days of my life crying in Argentina" and the affair is now over. Sanford, a rumored 2012 presidential candidate, refused to say whether he'll leave office.

Uh, is it just me or is this reminding anyone else of "Dick Tracy?"

The Secret Service Allows Obama to Carry His Blockberry

Engadget links to this great ad:This is just to show how far this country has come - Obama used to not wear a flag pin. Now he wears one to sell Blockberries.

My hope is that a Republican congressman sees this and twitters "Celebrity Obama has time to sell phones. gvrnmnt run phones = socialism."

With 68 characters to spare.

I Would Hope That A Wise Latina Woman Would Have Learned to Walk

... and other helpful ditties for the Republican Party to use as spin. That's because, in the latest shocking development in the appointment of Judge Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court, she broke her ankle this morning (!):

The White House says Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor has broken her ankle after an airport stumble in New York City. Sotomayor fractured her right ankle Monday morning at New York's LaGuardia Airport before boarding a shuttle to Washington for an afternoon of meetings with senators. She'll keep her six appointments on Capitol Hill Monday despite the injury, which has her walking with crutches, the White House said. The judge has kept up a busy schedule in Washington as the White House presses for her quick confirmation. She even stopped at the White House before heading to the hospital for an x-ray.

So, without further ado, here are the ways Republicans can spin this to their advantage:

• Her court decisions are as clumsy as her walking style.
• She's trying to make us feel empathetic!
• Her fractured ankle represents the way her appointment is fracturing the country.
• Her legal decisions don't have a leg to stand on.
  
• She fracture her right ankle. Like her court decisions, she favors the left.
• Her favoritism of LaGuardia Airport over JFK Airport is reverse racism.
• She is now walking on crutches? Her whole life, she has gotten everywhere she got because of crutches!
• She stopped at the White House before the x-ray? What will happen in future emergencies? Will she check with Obama before deciding?
• Even the hospital didn't have her stay, and we want to give her a lifetime position?
• Here is a woman who won't abort her meeting schedule but is fine with woman aborting their babies. Disgusting.
  
• She takes care of the fracture on a small bone. No word on worrying about the bigger bones. This is out and out favoritism.

Use these lines, Republicans. You can trip up her nomination yet.

hattip Amicus Bloggus BiMus for the idea and help. leave your suggestions for Republicans in the comments.

You're Either Pro-Sanctity of Marriage or Anti-Children. Those are the sides of this debate.

"I'm Confused" says the final kid in that ad. Aw. Do you think it's good to confuse helpless children? What kind of a monster are you?

There's only one problem. Do you know what else confuses kids? EVERYTHING. Everything confuses kids. Every day, everything about life confuses kids.

Both of my grandmothers were named Sylvia. As a child, I thought that all grandmas changed their name to Sylvia, and were called "Grandma Sylvia." Why did I think that? Because I had a tiny, developing brain and I got confused very easily because EVERYTHING CONFUSES KIDS.

In fact, This American Life, has an entire segment dedicated to:

children who get a mistaken idea in their heads about how something works or what something means, and then don't figure out until well into adulthood that they were wrong.

The segment included stories about a girl who thought monkeys painted her tissue box, someone who thought unicorns were an actual species of animal, a girl who thought "Deer Xing" signs were pronounced "Deer zing," and a boy who thought all the people included in surveys for TV ratings shared the last name "Nielsen." Why did these people think that? Because EVERYTHING CONFUSES KIDS!

You know what else confuses kids? Tooth Fairies and Santa Claus. Who sells them these lies?

Anyway, to the idiots who put out commercials like this: it's your bigotry about gay marriage that is going to be the mistaken idea that your kids won't figure out was wrong until adulthood. It's one more myth that will eventually be dispelled. You're part of the everything that confuses kids.

Ugh.

You know what the saddest part is? This is actually a step up from Republicans latest arguments against gay marriage.