Their Trio's Down to Two

"Blame it on the Voices" has a picture of the cutest thing you'll see on the internet today, under the headline "Real Life Timon and Pumba:"

Although it makes you question all that "And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind" talk... Kinda makes you wonder if Hakuna Matata even means no worries for the rest of your days.

Why You Should Churn By Waterfall

(hattip Amicus Bloggus BiMus)

A sad story out of my home state:

An employee at a New Jersey chocolate processing plant died Wednesday after falling into a vat of hot chocolate, according to a spokesman for the Camden County Prosecutor's office.

I was told specifically not to be alarmed, that he wouldn't be harmed. Sure he might be altered a bit, maybe turn into a luscious bit of fudge.... but not this. Goddamn Oompa Loompas.

They'll probably get away with it too. It's so hard to pick one out of a lineup.

Palin's Speeches Remain Unclear, But Her References Are Awfully Specific

(hattip Amicus Bloggus BiMus for the catch)

The quote from this morning's NY Post:
Apparently, she can see Ivan Drago from her house.

Couldn't you just see Palin explaining herself at her next news conference by saying "I fight to win! I fight for me! For Me!"

And, of course, the requisite Ivan Drago tribute:


T minus 6 hours till someone has the Drago/Palin mashup online. I think that's how this whole saga ends. I think Sarah Palin goes the Drago route and helps to end the Cold War.

David Ortiz Is Going to Check His Eyes

Unless he left his steroids somehow under his eyelids, I don't see how this will help:

"I've been thinking about getting my eyes checked -- for real," Ortiz told The Associated Press. "My vision has always been 20-20, and I'm not feeling anything crazy, but I'm going to get it checked out... We get our eyes checked every year... I'm 20-20. Go and check it out. It's not anything big. I will, though. I seriously will."

It's not that crazy though. I am sure many of you remember the case of Ricky Vaughn, whose eyesight affected his performance:


Vaughn , and the Indians, were much better after he got glasses.

So could it happen for the Red Sox? Sure. But I would recommend following the rest of the prescription from "Major League" just to be sure. So here are the other things that the Red Sox should do:

1. Worship Joe Boo
2. Jason Varitek should threaten Mike Lowell to "cut (his) nuts off and stuff 'em down his fuckin' throat."
3. Varitek should drive the bullpen car to hook up with that librarian he's always loved.
4. Get a life size cut out of a naked Larry Lucchino and rip off one piece of clothing per victory.
   
5. Have a fun to watch winning streak montage that ends with them in a first place tie.
6. Jonathan Paplebon should sleep with Mike Lowell's wife.
   
7. Beat the Yankees on a bunt single that scores a run from second base.
   

I would also hire Neil Flynn to root for the Red Sox but that's optional. The Red Sox should get on the rest immediately.